


Final Call

by akumasama (orphan_account)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-02
Packaged: 2018-01-17 18:55:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1398826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/akumasama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After taking the final pill, Eren remembers one last apology he has to make.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys this is really sad.   
> Do not read this if you are already sad.  
> Go listen to happy songs.  
> Then come back when you have your emotional shields with you.  
> Because this is just a lot of feels.  
> Enjoy.

Eren rolls the final pill around in his hand before popping it in his mouth, and swallowing hard.

That’s the bottle.

He keeps his hand on his mouth for a moment before pulling it back and staring at his wrinkled fingertips. He’d soaked in the tub for over an hour. Just thinking.

He’d kept wondering if this was the right thing to do. If it would really help anything.

But he’d known the answer for the longest time, now.

It had to be done.

And now, he realizes as his vision starts clouding, it’s too late to go back. He’s already swallowed 87 pills. He can almost feel his organs shutting down, one by one. He’s made his choice, and now he has to live with it.

 _Well,_ he chuckles wryly, _more like die with it._

This is the best thing for everyone, anyways.  

Take his mom, for example. She works so hard, day in, and day out, to keep both of her children happy and healthy. She works for the majority of every day, juggling three jobs, just to pay for their house and food. She saves money every way she can, skips out on meals so Eren and Mikasa can have enough to eat, and is slowly selling everything she owns to fight off all the debt their dad left behind when he skipped town. At least Mikasa will become successful and be able to come back and support her. At this point, Eren is just another useless mouth to feed.

And without Eren, Mikasa will finally be able to focus all her efforts on schoolwork, and her multiple sports teams. She’ll never have a decent shot at scholarships if she constantly has to pick her little brother up from yet another detention, or save him from another fight. She’ll finally be able to live her life the way she would have if her parents hadn’t died.

But that brings up another point. She’d already been exposed to so much death in her life. Would it really be good for her to lose another family member?

 _Now isn’t the time to worry about that,_ Eren scolds himself, _She’ll understand when she reads her note._

He rolls his head to the left slowly, before leveling a steady glare at the neat stack of envelopes resting on the edge of his desk. It’s getting harder to think clearly, and he can’t even remember what he wrote in most of the letters. He just remembers a lot of apologies, and ‘I love you’s. It probably won’t be enough.

 _But then again,_ he reminds himself, _nothing I do ever is._

He hadn’t been enough for his father to stay. He wasn’t old enough to get a job. He doesn’t do enough to help his mom as she struggles with three part-times and a mountain of debt. His grades are never good enough. He never hangs out with Armin enough. He never listens enough. He never understands enough. He never even calls his boyfriend enough.

 _Shit._ His train of suicidal thoughts screeches to a halt.

_My boyfriend._

Suddenly seized by a sense of urgency, Eren makes a grab for the pile of notes. But he’s moving so groggily, and he can’t control his body. The letters end up scattered across the floor, and he lets out a frustrated groan. He needs to check the notes.

He makes an attempt to stand up, but his legs give out immediately and he tumbles onto the floor. His head makes a harsh thump when it hits the hardwood, and the sudden jolt only makes it more difficult to see. He fumbles blindly for the envelopes, and finally manages to gather them all. He examines each one closely, trying to decipher the names.

_Armin… Mikasa… Mom… Annie… Jean… Marco… Dr. Hanji… Mr. Erwin…_

He’d written one to almost everyone he knew. Some were short, and others long and elaborate. But there was one name missing. He flung the notes across his room in frustration.

Everyone. He’d written to literally everyone. He’d written a note to fucking _Jean._ But he had forgotten to write to his _fucking boyfriend._

“Shit shit shit shit shit,” He mutters under his breath as he wrestles his phone out of his jacket pocket. He can barely see anything, but he knows how to find the speed dial with his eyes closed, anyway. He calls the number, and rests his forehead against the cold floor as he listens to it ring.

Once…

Twice…

Three times…

He hears the click of someone picking up before it can ring a fourth.

“ _Hello?”_

“Hey, babe, it’s me,” Eren tries his best to speak clearly, but his words come out slightly garbled anyway.

Of course, his boyfriend notices immediately, _“Eren? Are you in a tunnel? You sound… off.”_

“Yeah, yeah, I’m…… Well, _I’m_ not really fine, but the signal is.”

_“What do you mean you aren’t-”_

“Listen, Levi, I… I don’t really have a lot of time but… I just wanted… to let you know… that I love you and-”

_“Eren, what the fuck do you mean you don’t have ti-”_

“And that I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry,” Eren takes a shaky breath. When had he started crying?

_“Eren? Eren what did you do?”_

He breaths in deeply, and lets all the air in his lungs _whoosh_ out in a strangled sob before continuing, “Well, I wanted to just… just get it… over with… while they were gone so… so they couldn’t… st… stop me.” It was getting hard to breathe now.

 _“Eren what do you mean? Get what over with!?”_ The boy on the other end is growing increasingly alarmed just trying to figure out what the _fuck_ is going on.

“You know… _this,”_ Eren gestures vaguely with his hand before realizing that his boyfriend can’t see him, and sighs, “Like… like, _life_.”

 _“Eren…_ What _did you_ do _?”_ Eren can hear faint sound of a car turning on.

“I don’t really… like… blood, and my… my mom left her…… pills… when she and… and Mikasa… they went to… to the beach……” He lets out a frustrated sigh. Just talking is becoming really difficult, “So… so I de…. decided that…. It was th……… the best time…… but-”

 _“Eren!? Eren! I need you to listen very closely_. _You need to try to puke up the pills_ right now _. I’m on my way over, but you need to get them out of your syste-”_

“No!” Eren interrupts him. Puke them up? Why would he… that… they….  “They won’t… work if I pu… puke them up. I jus… just called… to… to apo… apologize… beca-”

_“Eren! Do not apologize, just get the goddamn pills out of you! There’s still time to-”_

“NO LEVI!” Eren shouts with everything he has. He has to tell him, “I on….. only called t…. to say… sorry…. for no…. not writ….. note….. you were…. the only one…. I….. didn’t write…”

 _“Eren!?”_ Levi’s voice sounds panicky, bordering on hysteric. He never sounds like that, “ _Eren listen to me! You_ have _to stay_ awake _! Do you hear me! I’m almost there, just hold on until I get there, please!!!”_

“I… it’s gotten really….. dark, Le… vi…… I…. I ca…. can’t see…. anymore…”

_“NO! Eren no! Don’t you dare fall asleep! EREN!”_

“I…. I love… you… Levi...”

_“EREN!?!?!? EREN NO YOU HAVE TO HOLD ON EREN! EREN!”_

“EREN!” The other boy’s voice dissolves into strangled sobs, _“ Eren pl- please stay awake! Don’t leave, please! EREN!”_

 _“Please… please don’t…”_ His sobs are now barely a whisper.

_“Don’t go…. I…”_

_“I love you… too.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I warned you


	2. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's rapid journey through the grief process. And a light at the end of the tunnel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!  
> For those of you who read my previous "one shot" and felt like the ending was too dark, I have a surprise for you!  
> Here is the next chapter in my previously "complete" fic.  
> Enjoy and please be happy again.  
> As your reward for surviving the apparent emotional trauma I put some of you through, a present...  
> *drumroll*  
> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ✧HOPE

It’s been five minutes since Eren went silent.

Four minutes since Levi said “I love you too.”

And one minute since Levi stopped sobbing hysterically.

He still hasn’t hung up the phone.

Now, sitting in the Jeagers’ driveway, he can feel anxiety creeping up his entire body. He can’t breathe. He can’t see. And he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to walk again.

But he has to go in.

He _has_ to go get him.

There is no way he could leave Eren’s body. Not now. Not when he knows it’s less than 50 feet away from where he sits in the front seat of his black Honda Civic.

He has to go in. If not for Eren’s family, then for Eren himself. Levi knows how upset Eren would be if his body was found by anyone else. Especially his mother.

_Oh god… I completely forgot about his mother._

What is he going to tell her? When is she even coming back? And what about Mikasa? Levi had promised her when he had first started dating Eren that he would keep him safe.

Safe and happy.

_She’s going to kill me._

_But then again… she has every right._

Because honestly… this is all Levi’s fault, isn’t it? He should’ve paid more attention. He should’ve _noticed._ That was his job, as a boyfriend. To notice when Eren was sad, to be there when he felt alone. But he’d been too wrapped up in himself to notice. He’d completely ignored his boyfriends needs and problems. Hell, he hadn’t even known that his family was going out of town.

But then again… Eren had never mentioned his family was leaving.

_Eren… Eren probably knew about this trip weeks in advance, and he never told me!?_

_How long was he planning this?_

Suddenly, a new emotion bubbles up in Levi’s chest.

No. Not even anger.

Pure rage.

Why!? Why the fuck would he do this!? How could he be so _fucking_ selfish!? Did he even think about what this would do to his friends? To the people who _love_ him!?

To Levi?

Tears of indignation brim in Levi’s eyes and spill down over his cheeks. What kind of selfish fucking _asshole_ would make people love him so goddamn much and then just fucking _leave!?_ How was that fair!?

Levi lets out a frustrated scream that cuts off into strangled sobs while pounding mercilessly on the steering wheel.

“Stupid… fucking… god…… fucking… DAMMIT WHY?!”

He’s hyperventilating now, choking out every curse he can think of. But none of it is enough.

No words can express this kind of anger and frustration.

But he doesn’t even know who he’s angry at anymore.

_Okay…. Calm down…. Breathe…. Breathe….._

Levi’s never lost control of his emotions like this before, and as he struggles to calm down and steady his breathing, he wishes he’d been able to keep it under control. A glance at the clock shows that his breakdown cost him four minutes.

It’s time.

He turns the car off, and slowly reaches for the door handle. Still clutching his phone in his hand, he moves mechanically to the front door. He’s stood here a million times, but the circumstances are so drastically different that the scenery feels entirely new.

He can’t help but notice how much the door resembles a coffin lid.

 Unable to calm the tremor in his hand, Levi slowly reaches out to grab the cool metal of the doorknob. He turns it slowly and lets the door drift open.

A blast of frigid air hits him in the face as he takes a tentative step in. All the lights are off.

Except for one shining faintly from the top of the staircase directly to his left.

Levi takes a few deep breaths and clutches his phone tightly as he begins to climb the stairs. Everything is moving slowly, and it feels like ages before he finally reaches the second floor.

He turns automatically to face the hallway stretching to his right. The light is shining brightly out of a widely cracked doorway.

The third door on the left.

Eren’s room.

Levi’s shaking has escalated, and he struggles to keep a grip on his phone as he shuffles down the hallway, until finally he’s standing outside the room.

The room he knows painfully well.

The room that fills his mind with happy memories.

The room that now holds his boyfriend’s lifeless body.

Levi reaches out and lays his hand against the wooden door. He waits for what feels like an eternity to brace himself, before giving it a feeble push.

As the door swings open, Levi is momentarily blinded by the sudden change in brightness. All the lights seem to have been left on full intensity.

It takes a moment for his vision to clear, but once it does, he immediately examines the room. Everything is exactly the same as he remembers from the last time he was here. The full-sized bed is neatly made, and all the furniture is aligned. Everything is exactly as it should be.

Except for the body sprawled out in the middle of the floor.

Levi barely makes it two steps before his knees give out. He hits the floor hard, and crawls the rest of the way to his boyfriend’s lifeless body.

By the time he reaches him, his vision has tunneled, and his thoughts are hazy. He tries to focus on something, anything, until his eyes land on Eren’s face, and he stops breathing.

This is not Eren.

This has got to be some monster from Levi’s nightmares.

His eyes, once so fierce and bright, are now dull and glazed over, halfway covered by pearly lids. The hollows surrounding them are so deep that they look like they’ve been permanently sculpted in by ages of weariness. White, chapped lips, slightly bloodstained, remain slightly open beneath a sharply angled nose that is the only thing recognizable as being Eren’s.

This gaunt and pitiful face could never belong to the boy Levi loved. It’s a sick imitation, at best. Levi refuses to accept that such a determined, lively boy could be reduced to this hollow shell of a person.

But it doesn’t really matter what Levi can accept or not, now, does it?

_Nothing really matters anymore._

_Because the fact of the matter is,_ “He’s dead,” Levi whispers hoarsely.

_He’s actually….. dead._

It’s funny, Levi hadn’t really accepted it until this very moment. Until he had actually seen the body.

He now finally consciously realizes, that Eren isn’t coming back. He’ll never hear his laugh again. Never dry his tears again……… Never hold him…

He’s gone. Forever.

But…… if he’s gone……. then why can Levi see his chest moving?

And hear a faint wheezing.

_Holy shit._

Bending in close, Levi presses two of his fingers into Eren’s throat, just below his jaw.

_Holy shit!_

Barely there, just faintly detectible, but entirely real.

A pulse.

“Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit,” Levi mumbles under his breath as he turns his phone on and dials 911.

_He’s still here. Oh, thank god he’s still here._

And he is.

At least for now.

Eren’s still alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren: "Surprise, bitch. I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me."  
> GET READY FOR A WILD RIDE, YOU GUYS


End file.
